Musings on trauma...

This will be my "private" space to write about what is going on for me and my family as I watch my little sister struggle to stay alive...

I have started a Caring Bridge site...which has been wildly successful just today. It makes me feel useful. Makes my purpose here seem more vital.

'Cause that's what I need. A purpose.

Part of me feels so bad for my girls...I was gone all weekend and then left again. To do what? To sit in a hospital and wait. Wait. Wait. And then go in to see if there has been any change...any new news...and there's nothing. She's still laying in the same place I left her. No change. no facial expression. Just the rhythm of her breath with the ventilator. I touch her forehead and can feel her pulse. I talk to her. I send her energy. It's what I can do. It's the only thing I can do.

I saw a bit of her leg today. Oh my god. and I don't say "oh my god." but that's how bad it is. It doesn't resemble a leg. Does not resemble anything human.

How in the world will she make it through this? And...if she does, what will her life be? What will dad's life be? I just cannot even go there right now.

And so I sit. In this dimly lit hallway. Waiting. Shootin' the breeze with my dad. Watching the faces of the other family that is waiting for news of their daughter...

and yet I miss my family. Miss them so much....