time away

i'm alone...
alone for the first time in days
and I feel so guilty
feel so apart
from my purpose

yet it's alone that I need
alone that I crave
because here is where I can feel
here is where I feel safe
to feel
to scream
to cry
to shake in utter terror
of what lies ahead

but i will go back

I will go back and build myself
back up
I will be there for my father
for my sister
for anyone else who needs me

and then
later
I will be alone again
and I will cry.