Tuesday, January 06, 2015


People ask me what it's like having a relationship with my daughter's birthmother. 
It's different, nothing like any other relationship I've ever had
It's hard, boundaries are not my strong suit
It's emotionally draining sometimes

but it's also
and one of the greatest gifts I have ever been given.

These photos are of the gifts that arrived in the mail for all three of my girls today. They are from my middle child's birthmother (she's the only one that we know/keep in touch with currently). 

Notice the details...
She sends gifts for ALL three girls, not just her biological daughter.
Each child's gift is wrapped in their "own" paper.
There are multiple gifts for each child.
Each child's "favorite things" are present...

And this is all from a woman who has struggled on many levels for most of her life. I won't divulge the details, that's her story. 

And, yet, she has the emotional amazingness to pull THIS off. She is one of the most thoughtful, generous and loving women I know. For almost 11 years she has sent packages to the girls for every holiday and their birthdays. She always sends something for each of them, asking me in advance what they are interested in and what sizes they are wearing. She has very limited discretionary income and no car, yet she manages to purchase, wrap, package and ship goodies to us multiple times each year.

Because of her, I am able to educate my children about what it's like to be human. What it's like to love unconditionally and to accept people into your heart.

During the month of December, my youngest child kept checking the mail each day, anxiously waiting for a package to arrive. I asked her one day, "what is it that you're waiting for?" 

I knew what she was waiting for. She was waiting for something that will never come and my heart ached for her.

"Are you waiting for a package from YOUR birthmother?"

"Yes," she answered quietly from across the table.

It was that moment that I became even more grateful for #2's birthmother. 

I explained to my youngest that we would most likely never get a package from her birthmother, that, as much as she may want to, she's very far away, does not have our address and does not have the resources to send us gifts. I explained that we have a very special situation, that most adopted children never receive gifts from their biological families, let alone know and communicate with them.

Tough stuff. Heart breaking stuff. But THIS is the stuff that makes us human. To feel, to grieve, to trust, to love...

and to be grateful.

and that I am.

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