Saturday, January 03, 2009

Bored in Bed

she starts to fall....
she can feel herself falling farther....
and she finally crashes...

I cannot believe that I have been sick for so long. More than a week. A week ago, I was hit really hard...but it was days before that I felt myself sinking. I just never thought it would happen. I don't get sick. I keep going. I'm the energizer bunny! I am everything to everyone and still manage to keep strong!

Not this time.

Have I learned anything?

I have learned that it sucks to be idle. I have dreamed about this for a long time...imagining myself in an institution somewhere where I can just be heavily sedated and lay in bed and look outside all day. Well, it's not what it's cracked up to be, that's for sure. I am laying here. Moderately sedated...codeine takes the edge off, I guess...and I am looking outside. My dog is my trusty companion and jerry the cat comes and checks in every few hours or so. My door is locked so that the kids cannot just randomly come in and jump on's kind of like that institution.

I've decided that I don't want that option.

I cannot do laundry.
I cannot clean the toilet
I cannot even take a shower! hannah, you do not want to KNOW how long it's been!!!

I have read 2 1/2 books
I have thought about would probably be a great time to write that novel in my head...
I have cried
I have found lots of monster faces in the trees outside
I have listened to the lovely tones of the wind chimes just outside my window...laura, the ones you got for us...remember?

and I have slept.

I think that codeine enhances dreams. wowza! I have been having dreams like crazy! and in most of them, I cannot stand up! I keep falling down. It's so annoying!!!

Such an interesting existence I have right now.

and my mind still wanders back to my little sister....
oh, I should be writing about that. SHOULD. that's such a big word....

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