Monday, January 19, 2009

drifting away...

I guess that's what you call how I feel...that Dad and Caitlin are drifting away...away from needing me so much. I guess I thought that they would continue to need me through this whole thing...start to finish, but that seems to have changed.

I can only imagine how Courtney must feel.

I know that Dad is happy. And I, in no way, question that happiness. Maybe because I'm not there as much? But I cannot be and the reality is that I cannot be needed as much as I was. I am quite needed right here in my own home.

There's something so satisfying about being needed. And being needed by Dad was a biggy for me. To know that he relied on me for so much was such a great feeling to me. To know that he appreciated my questions, my strength, my commitment to the felt and still feels good.

As far as Caitlin, I guess I just wanted to strengthen our relationship through this whole thing. I'm sure, again, if I were there more, it would be much easier to accomplish. I know that our relationship will evolve and be's just hard to see right now.

I'm thinking about making this all into a book. I know I've said it before...about writing a book...but I feel like most of this one is already written in the Caring Bridge journal. We'll see.

And now back to life here at the Beattie house...

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